


{Some things never change even when they hurt}

by Hyoukaa



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Host Clubs, References to Ouran High School Host Club
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25881277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyoukaa/pseuds/Hyoukaa
Summary: The shadow king isn't as dark as they say and the darkness that dwells within you is what draws him in your direction, but for better or for worse?
Relationships: Ootori Kyouya/Reader
Kudos: 13





	{Some things never change even when they hurt}

**Author's Note:**

> !warnings: mentions of self-harm and suicide!

{Some things never change even when they hurt}

//ootori kyoya x f!reader//

“Hey what’s up with your arms?” Haruhi asked you, interrupting your thoughts.  
  
“Oh u-uh you know, all the receives I’ve been making in volleyball recently have caused my arms to bruise up. So I bandage them to protect them,” you explained sheepishly, tugging at your sleeves to bring them down. To hide the shame held beneath them.  
  
You looked over at Haruhi. Flashing her a quick smile to reassure her, and although sceptical she chose to believe you. You both continued to walk to school, nearing the castle the number of limos and other fancy cars within the vicinity increased.  
  


* * *

  
  
After school, you enter the host club and the usual scene greets you, Tamaki-senpai running over to greet “ _both his precious daughters_ ” and the Hitachiin twins coming up behind Haruhi, each draping an arm around her shoulder, mischievous looks in their eyes. Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai were sitting at a table, the taller of the two watching the shorter one eat strawberry shortcake. Kyoya-senpai was also sitting at a table away from the rest of the group, minding his own business and writing in that black book that he always seems to carry.  
  
You always admired Kyoya-senpai more than any other of the hosts, not just for the dumb reason that everyone else gave. Like because he was the ‘ _shadow king_ ’ and such, and whilst those traits did appeal to you with great interest. What you found most fascinating about him was his unwavering drive and passion despite all the odds being placed against him. Despite his father's cruel and sometimes even inhumane expectations of his youngest son, Kyoya seemed to always pull through. Even exceeding his expectations, which only seemed to add to his father’s avarice of Kyoya. You, on the other hand, were the complete opposite.  
  
You walked over to him, placing your bag on the floor beside you as you took up the chair in front of him, before placing your head on the table upon your arms.  
  
“Why have you got bandages wrapped around your arms?” Kyoya questioned, his eyes never leaving the black book he continued to write in.  
  
“Volleyball” was the only answer you were bothered to give, and although he understood what you meant that didn’t stop him from finally looking up to observe the lie in your eyes. Him looking into your eyes with that piercing gaze of his scared you enough to look back down at the table, not because his gaze was intimidating, (well it was but that’s besides the point at the moment) but because he could tell you were lying and wanted you to know that he could see that.  
  
But all he replied with was “ok” before looking back at his book.  
  


* * *

  
  
Over the next several days, Kyoya didn’t fail to notice the constant stream of bandages that you wore, and although he only asked twice more about what they had come from before deciding that maybe he might be coming off as a bit pushy. He never stopped concerning himself with the matter. Even sometimes taking to tailing you on your walk back from school to make sure you returned home safely at the least.  
  
And today was one of those days, as the club ended you all began packing away and when you felt it was appropriate you and Haruhi excused yourselves, wishing the other hosts a good day before exiting. What you didn’t realise was that Kyoya left not even ten seconds later, keeping on your trail to not lose sight of the two of you.  
  
The first fifteen minutes of the walk seemed to go how it always did: you and Haruhi walking at a considerably normal pace allowing Kyoya to trail you whilst not being far behind and losing sight of you. Then after ten minutes you and Haruhi part ways waving a brief goodbye. Then you walked for five more minutes before the road leading to your manor came up. And by this point, Kyoya would have thought it his time to leave seeing as he ‘ _walked_ ’ you near enough to your house.  
  
And the same as always he began to turn away satisfied with how everything went. But he suddenly noticed you darting into the forest surrounding the lane leading up to your manor. So he made to follow you, dread filling his stomach as to what he would find out.  
  
As you continued to make your way deeper into the forest, Kyoya’s worry amplified. ‘ _What were you doing here at a time like?_ ’ was the one clear thought that he was able to recognize behind the mess of his mind.  
  
When you finally stopped, dropping to your knees, Kyoya took to watching you from behind a large oak tree, its trunk having a large diameter. He saw as you placed your bag in front of you and unzipped it, taking out something that he could not see as he was facing your back. He cursed himself under his breath. He also watched as you rolled up the sleeves of your sunflower yellow dress, unravelling the bandages and exposing the marks beneath them.  
  
He heard himself sharply but quietly take in breath at the sight of your self inflicted wounds and even though he guessed that is what they were from the beginning, he couldn’t help the overwhelming sadness that washed over him at the fact he was correct.  
  
Although his view was completely blocked when you moved both your arms directly in front of you, taking out an object yet again from your bag. He made his way to move around to a spot with a better view.  
  
You took the note out again from your bag giving it a one-over before folding it up again and placing it back in your bag. You then took the pocketknife off the grass, you only got it for decoration at first it’s silver handle with its interphase of patterns edged into it and the blade itself that was tinted gently blue made it strangely beautiful. But you never thought you would use it for anything like this. You brought the blade up to the skin of your wrist, pressing it down and dragging all the way to the crease of the inside of your elbow. The blood started off as a slow trickle as if your body wanted to keep it in before it began gushing down your arm and quickly pooling around you on the grass.  
  
You couldn’t be sure that you had always felt this way. It was hard to remember the last time you felt truly happy but then again, all those times felt like they were nothing more than dreams. There are few things you felt you knew without a doubt, that anchor you to the world when you feel yourself falling. The list had become a sort of mantra that you recite when your thoughts become overwhelming:  
  
‘ _No one cares about me. My pain is mine and I am alone._ ’  
  
Growing up in an environment where you were forced to be perfect in front of all these people who only saw you as a source of money weighed you down even as a child. You grew up believing in that ‘ _no one cares about you, they only need you for their own benefit._ ’ it didn’t really help that you grew up the only daughter of a wealthy and extremely prominent architecture company. Your parents and your grandparents being the architects of some of the most recognizable buildings to date. After your mother had you her body became weak and she couldn’t have any more children leaving only you to become the heir of the company.  
  
They groomed you, every day your hours were filled with lessons on etiquette, business management and architecture. You felt your life being pulled away right before it was given to you.  
  
Not growing up in the same way other kids did gave them a reason to treat you like an outcast.  
  
“Look it’s her,” whispers that followed you everywhere throughout your childhood. It was hard for you to understand what you did to incite this kind of hatred. And at first, you didn’t understand, you couldn’t find any instance where you had done anything to warrant the animosity you received every day.  
  
But as you grew up you began to realise what their problem was. They were jealous. They felt you had such an easy life planned ahead of you. You were smart, gifted, pretty and there was no one in the way to your future success. But you weren’t sure how much longer you could continue dealing with this overwhelming sense of despair.  
  
So you decided to play the part. You began to fake everything you did in your life just to gain the type of attention you wanted, not the desolate stares you received from all your classmates and parents alike, but the ones where you saw the warmth in their eyes. You smiled through all the pain and became everyone’s friend. And at first, you were happy with the new changes your life had, but after a while, you realised how forced your life was. The smiles, the laughs, the bows, the curtseys. Everything became a forever worn mask.  
  
You felt as if you weren’t alive anymore, so to remind yourself that you still had a connection to the world of the living you relieved yourself with pain. Pain that for others would probably be too much to bear. But for you, it was a friendly reminder. But what it was reminding you of you forgot long ago.  
  
You felt a smile tug on your lips, your body feeling lighter with each passing second. Your body was no longer weighed down with hatred and sadness. You felt your head begin to spin as your vision went dark. ‘ _Finally…_ ’ you thought as your world was enveloped in darkness.  
  


* * *

  
  
At first, all you see is light. But soon enough things came into focus. You were in a hospital room with an IV in your left arm and bandages wrapped around your right, with Kyoya standing at the foot of the bed. "Ahh, good, glad to see that you're awake." Was all he said. Although you could hear the anger in his words below the softness of his tone.  
  
"Wh..what happened?"  
  
"Well apparently your blood levels were dangerously low," he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and gave you a look of disappointment that was painful. "Would you care to tell me why you would do something as idiotic as that?" he took a seat on the edge of your bed.  
  
You sat up and looked down at the bandages wrapped around your arm in absolute shame. Tears welled up in your eyes as everything became clear to you. "You see, it's been pretty hard for me," you began as it started getting harder to not break down into sobs, "and I haven't been eating or sleeping very much for starters, and I thought that would be the end of it. That would be the end of me hurting myself in that sense. But as the year went on all my thoughts began to weigh me down more and more, and I guess it got to me. I thought...that I could handle it all on my own...since so many people depend on me...I have to be strong. I'm not allowed to be weak. So I did my best to hide it from everyone." Now the tears really began to fall down your face. "But now I realize that in doing that, I only made matters worse and now I've troubled others even more," you said between sobs. "But now I know that...if something is wrong...I should be honest from the start before I let things get really bad." These words came out as you began to realize them, and you started feeling a little better. "I was foolish to think that everyone else needs my help, but I don't need anyone's help. I'm weak sometimes, just like everyone else is, but that's okay. After all, that's what friends like you are for, right?" You smiled as you wiped away your tears.  
  
You looked up and the shadow King had a look like he just had an epiphany. Just then a nurse came in and checked your vitals, which all came out normal. She also asked Kyoya to wait outside whilst she spoke to you on the severity on your situation, and that if Kyoya hadn’t brought you in as soon as he did you might have died. She also began to hand you a bunch of leaflets recommending therapists and other such councillors, to which you politely declined telling her “I finally understand the value of the life I’ve been given, and I don’t want to waste it.”  
  
She looked at you, her eyes widening slightly before she replied, “I see.” there was a slight pause while she looked at you, checking your vitals once more. She also allowed Kyoya to come back in before turning back to you. “You're lucky to have such a handsome man take such a liking to you. He brought you in carrying you and totally frantic. I've never seen him so panicky before."  
"shut up!" He said, his face turning red from blushing. The nurse simply laughed.  
"I'll go get your clothes," she said to you as she left the room. You got out of the bed and turned to the Shadow King with the biggest grin on your face.  
"And what are you smiling about?" He said curtly, but with a smile tugging at his lips.  
"I'm so happy! You went through all this trouble to make sure I was okay. This proves that you genuinely care about me!" you smiled at him.  
He let out a chuckle. "You know I only do things to benefit myself, dear."  
"Yes, I know that. Selfless kindness will always benefit you, just not in the most obvious of ways all the time, and sometimes you have to wait for the payoff." He looked up at you and smiled a genuine smile, not his usual arrogant smile.  
"I used to think that logic and data were the only things worth investing in but it seems like you've taught me more than my studies ever have, like how to swallow pride," saying it almost to himself, chuckling lightly.  
  
You then decided to follow his advice and swallow your pride, making a bold move, you went over to him, you leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. But you turned your head away from him after stuttering out, “thank you, for everything.”  
  
He pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose like he always does. "Idiot." Is all he said. But before you had the time to be crushed by his reaction, a smirk began to form on his lips. "You missed."  
  
He grabbed your waist and pulled you towards him. Your lips meet. Feeling self-assured, he slides an arm around your waist, the other hand against the small of your back. After you get over the initial shock of Kyoya kissing you passes, you seize his collar and pull him towards you. Your hands slide up to grasp him by the neck, keeping him firmly set. You feel desperate - like this is the last kiss you’ll ever have with him, not the first. Boldly, you pull him flush against your chest, the kiss deepening, steadying, slowing.  
  
You both push away after a moment, breathless, eyes darting to look at anything but each other. The evident flush on your cheeks growing. You look up at Kyoya’s grey eyes, the hue so soft that they could have been pencil-drawn. Their excitement was evident yet they seemed relaxed, purposeful and at ease. He looks down at you smiling, and you beamed as he leant down to kiss you on the cheek.  
  
“Thank you,” you said, your smile radiating.  
  
Kyoya smiled. "You're welcome." He returned kissing you on the lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say that this isn't a vent, I'm fine thank you for asking. These feelings of mine that I had disappeared long ago.  
> I also want to clarify that I am not making light of these topics, depression is a serious thing and if you are ever struggling with it you should go seek help, don't let these thoughts eat away at you.  
> Okay enough of my Mini PSA,  
> I hope you all enjoyed reading this despite what it's about.  
> also, I added references from two different franchises, if you can spot them tell me in the comments, I would love to see if anyone can find them.  
> other than that, all of you have a good day :D .


End file.
